ABC’s of Christian Marriage
By: Kaylene Yoder
A relationship steeped in connection and trust is one of the most beautiful things on earth. So much so, that most of us would say there is no meaning, purpose or value in life if we don’t have someone to share love, fear, failures and successes with; someone to know and be known by.
Someone to laugh with, cry with, love.
Someone who loves us at our worst, someone we can love at theirs.
Someone who forgives our greatest failures.
Someone who stays, heals and grows with us.
The one we do life with. The one we still choose when we’ve experienced their worst. The one who still chooses us when we’ve demonstrated our failures.
Using the alphabet as a guide, we find words or phrases that can encourage us in contributing value and meaning to our marriage. Many of these are drawn from Bible verses, others are implied or just good old common sense.
ABC’s of Christian Marriage
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT ~ “Your attitude should be the same at that of Christ Jesus”. Philippians 2:5 To find a better understanding of what kind of attitude that is, you might consider reading Philippians 2:3-8.
BUILD EACH OTHER ~ “[P]ursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.” Romans 14:19 NASB
“[E]ncourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up”. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
CONTENT ~ “Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions.” Ecclesiastes 7:10
“[B]e content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
DONATE YOUR EARS ~ “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”. James 1:19
EJECT ANGER ~ “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:31
FORFEIT GRUDGES ~ “Do not repay anyone evil for evil…Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” Romans 12: 17,19
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs 14:30
GENTLENESS & KINDNESS ~ “Let your gentleness be known to all.” Philippians 4:5
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
HELP EACH OTHER ~ “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
INDUCE LOVE ~ “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly beloved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2
“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments…are summed up in this one rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Romans 13: 8-10
JOY TO ONE ANOTHER ~ “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes…How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine”. Song of Solomon 4:9-10
“He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.” Ecclesiastes 5:20
“Enjoy life with your wife (spouse), whom you love.” Ecclesiastes 9:9
KISS PASSIONATELY ~ “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2
“Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey aree under your tongue.” Song of Solomon 4:11
LEAD YOURSELF WELL ~ In short, be responsible for yourself. You control your actions, your words, all of you. Do it well and do it first.
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment”. Romans 12:3
MAKE UP ~ “If anyone has caused grief…you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.” 2 Corinthians 2:5-8
NOTICE EACH OTHERS NEEDS ~ “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8
ORGANIZE PRIORITIES ~ “But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
“So we make it our goal to please Him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.” 2 Corinthians 5:9
PRAY ~ “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying”. Ephesians 6:18
QUIET ARGUMENTS before they start ~ “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18
RATED IS GOOD ~ Song of Solomon. That’s all I’ve got for this one!
SERVE EACH OTHER ~ “[S]erve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in one single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14
THANKFUL FOR EACH OTHER ~ “I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:3
UNDERSTANDING TOWARD EACH OTHER ~ “A patient man has great understanding”. Proverbs 14:29
“Love is patient…It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
VERBALIZE FEELINGS APPROPRIATELY ~ Throwing around accusations that begin with “you always…” or, “You never…” is hardly beneficial to your spouse. It feels more like an attack. Telling your spouse how they’ve hurt you needs to be done kindly and calmly to avoid causing more pain.
“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Proverbs 17:27
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18
WISE WORDS ~ “The heart of the righteous weighs it’s answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.” Proverbs 15:29
“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 13:26
eXTEND GRACE ~ “He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.” Proverbs 22:11
“A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Proverbs 12:16
“A kindhearted woman gains respect”. Proverbs 11:16
YEILD YOUR RIGHT TO BE RIGHT ~ “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
ZEALOUS FOR A LIFE TOGETHER ~ “Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the Lord our God…so that it will go well with us, for we will obey the Lord our God.” Jeremiah 42:6
“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.” Ruth 1:16