Build Trust in Your Marriage
By: Danielle Wells
Trust isn’t something that is built automatically or immediately. You have to work at it! In my relatively short marriage of four years, I’ve found that I must be consistent in my words and actions. Hubby and I both work to build trust in your marriage!
- Don’t be deceitful in any way.
When caught in any degree of a lie, some of your character and credibility is lost. Telling “white lies” doesn’t build any kind of trust in a relationship. It only means that you’re willing to be somewhat deceitful.
The trust you have with your husband should be the highest level of trust you could have with someone. The trust that you have with a boss, pastor, or parent should not compare to that of your husband.
You chose your husband out of all of the people in the world to be with for the rest of your life. Prove that you love him by being a trustworthy person
- Offer the whole truth.
It’s easy for me to hold back details and truths of a situation when I’m informing my husband of something if I think he won’t like it. Probably the thing that resonates with most of us women is when purchasing things. We splurge on an item, justify it to ourselves but convincing our husbands is another animal altogether! So we tell him bit by bit hoping that he won’t get mad or make us take it back!
Treat your husband as you would want him to treat you. Tell him the whole truth and don’t leave anything out! I’ve found that this is best when informing him of items I bought, cluing him into feelings that I have or telling him the events of my day.
If I’m often keeping back truth and he realizes it, the trust in my marriage will be wanting. I should care more for my marriage and husband than the thing I bought that I want to keep.
- Ask first; act second.
I suppose this goes with #2. Think of all of the problems it may solve if you ask his opinion and permission first! Now I’m usually the money saver and Hubby the spender, so I’m always thinking of the budget and don’t often splurge on unnecessary items. But I have gotten myself into a mess a time or two because I got too high nosed on my high horse!
Because I’m constantly trying to save money, when I do have the inclination to splurge I justify it because “I’m such a good saver!” So I buy it and then I tell my husband. And he gets upset because we didn’t have the money for it or because I didn’t ask him first. And then I tell him that I don’t need to ask him because I’m the saver and he’s the one that usually spends. And you can see where this will go: argument!
It shows your man that you respect him by asking his opinion about a purchase, for instance. And your man needs that respect! So for the sake of your marriage, ask him first before you buy something, commit to something, say something or do something that affects you both.
- Keep your promises.
This is a big one for me. When my husband says that he promises he will do something, it’s pretty much written in stone that he’ll do it. He’s pretty good at keeping his promises and I really appreciate that security.
In turn I want to do what I say I will do, so that his confidence in me will be evident and flourishing! Don’t let your promises slip by unattended because your execution of them will affect your spouse. Just as I love being able to depend on my husband, I want him to feel the same way about me!
- Confide in your husband.
I tell my husband everything! Before I was married I would sit and think about how embarrassed I may be to tell my husband certain things: failures, some of my past, silly things, etc. But it wasn’t long after I was married that I realized that I wanted to tell him everything.
I want there to be a closeness in our relationship in every way possible. Hubby is my best friend and when he gets home in the afternoon, sometimes I’m bursting to tell him about my day!
But besides the personal motivation, there should be a selfless motivation too. I should want to confide in my husband so that he knows I trust him. Confiding in Hubby, telling him my thoughts, ambitions, conversations with other, etc. lets him know that I trust him. It may be a difficult thing at first to allow your husband into your heart and mind that much, but the benefits far outweigh any uncomfortableness.
- Be fair during arguments.
Let’s be honest! You’re going to argue! And when you do don’t let it get out of hand and go crazy on each other! Fight fairly! Resolve to stay calm and be fair. That’s much easier said than done though. Feelings get hurt and unnecessary things are said in arguments, but if you can do these few things, it will go a long way in your arguments!
- Don’t take cheap shots at each other. Don’t insult each other or use things you’ve said to one another in confidence against each other. Don’t bring up and insult a ‘sore spot’.
- Don’t say NEVER or ALWAYS. Most likely in whatever sentence you are planning on using it in, it’s not true.
- Remember that you’re not each other enemy. You love each other!
- Listen twice as much as you speak. You have two ears for a reason. Listen to determine the true hurt of your spouse.
- Pray. Pray to God while in the argument and suggest prayer amid the argument.
- Take responsibility for your actions.
I think the idea of taking responsibility for actions isn’t taught so much anymore in home and schools. Everyone seems to find something or someone to blame their problems or actions upon. In marriage if you blame-shift for long, you will find yourself alone.
Saying “I’m sorry” goes a long way! In marriage and in arguments there’s no way you can wade through without offending and hurting your spouse. Maybe you were not the cause of the argument. Maybe the blame is 99% upon your husband. Maybe you did keep your temper well in an argument. No matter the case, there’s still room for your apology. And most likely you need to do it.
I heard a pastor once ask “Do you care so much for your own pride that you cannot utter two little words?” Even if your responsibility is 1%, you still should apologize. Be the ‘bigger’ person and apologize first. It softens hearts and gets moving toward reconciliation.
Without taking responsibility for actions, trust is unable to thrive. Your husband can’t depend on you to take care of the mess or hurtful things you’ve said. He doesn’t know when you’ll blame him for your actions. He doesn’t know how far you would go in covering up for yourself. He must be able to depend on you in every area of life. While you are not perfect and you will disappoint, you can do your best!