What Men Want From Their Wives
Sex is generally number one, but there actually are other things husbands want
By: Sheri Stritof
Sex is super important to men. There are exceptions, but, generally if asked, men will say that is is number one on their list for what they want in a marriage. But, it is NOT the only thing. Believe it or not, men do have other wants.
Here are ten things that many men often want from their wives (in no particular order). Note that these are “wants” — not emotional needs.
We all have some basic emotional needs. We are responsible for finding ways to meet these needs and it does not always involve another person. These are the need to be loved and to love; the need to belong; the need for a good self-image; and the need for autonomy.
In a romantic relationship we have other emotional needs, such as to feel that someone is there for us and that we are valued by another person.
Related: What Women Want
Sex is super important! However, men also want you to hold his hand in public, leave a message of love on his voice mail, massage his shoulders, give him an unexpected kiss, and flirt with him. Husbands like to be romanced too!
- Belief in His Capabilities
Many men think it is important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let your husband know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him. Your encouragement is the most meaningful of anyone. Most crucial is to make your man feel like a man and not a little boy.
Men want to know that you “get” them. They are often more logical and like to problem solve. This has a value and creates a balance to the women who are generally more feeling and emotional.
One of the ways you can both show that you understand each other is by making a commitment to daily dialogue together. Daily dialogue only takes 20 minutes out of your day. Isn’t your marriage worth 20 minutes each day?
- Appreciation and Affirmation
Most guys like to be patted on the back. Compliment your husband often. Just do not over do it with over-the-top oozes of how great he is. That type of affirmation can backfire. Be genuine and kind. Most importantly, let your husband know you appreciate how hard he works, how he takes care of the family and anything else he does that you value.
We all want to be accepted for who we are and do not want others to try to change us. Many husbands are particularly hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. If it concerns their health and safety, that’s one thing, but do not try to change superficial stuff that will only make him grouchy.
And, guess what? The only person that you can change is yourself!
- Less Chatter
Don’t yakety-yak all the time. If your husband is tired, or involved with a project, and you really want to talk to him about something, get to the point or schedule a time with him to have the talk.
Show respect for your husband by not making negative comments about his thoughts and opinions, by being considerate of his plans, and by avoiding the “eye roll” when listening to him.
- Free Time
Most everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone, and time to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect. When your husband first gets home from work, allow him some free time to unwind. Do not over-schedule his days off with projects around the house.
Trust is vital in the success of a marriage. If you are having doubts about your husband and find it difficult to trust him, seek counseling instead of spying.
Hopefully, you can say that your husband is not only your lover, but also your friend. Staying friends and companions through the years requires that you find ways to make time to be together and to do things together.
Want to Be a Great Spouse
Unless you have a very cold heart, you want to be a great spouse. How can you be a great spouse and not just a good spouse?
Although not a complete list, here are a few suggestions for this important role.
- Believe in yourself.
- Show your spouse your love. There will be times when you may not like your spouse’s behavior, but let your mate know that your love is constant. Say I Love You
- Listen to your spouse. You may not like what your spouse is saying, you may not agree with what is being said, but listen.
- Don’t be phony in your praise or support of what your spouse has done or is considering doing.
- Admit to making mistakes, be willing to apologize, ask for forgiveness, and also forgive.
- Communicate honestly not only your thoughts but also your feelings.
- Keep your promises.
- Show respect, trust, appreciation, consideration and kindness.
- Resolve past issues and handle conflict in a healthy way.
- Understand your spouse’s need for personal space and time.
- Try to be a good role model in how you live your life in:
- How you spend your time and money and create balance in how both are spent. Balance in work and Home
- How you show your hope for the future.
- How you create memories and rituals.
- How you continue to have dreams of what you want to do and become.
- How you have fun. Having Fun Together
- How you solve problems.
- How you handle the consequences of your decisions. Natural and Logical Consequences
- How you deal with both happiness and sadness.
- How you live out your sense of morality.
- By the friendships you choose.
- By your daily habits. Annoying Habits
- How you take care of yourself. Healthy Living
- How you cope in a crisis. Coping with Disaster and Crisis
- How you share in the responsibilities of parenting and household chores. Dividing Household Chores