How Can Two Very Different People Stay Married

Two Very Different People

By: Michael Fuchs

When Sherry and I met we started a journey together that we did not expect. I had been a single parent for around 2 years, and Sherry was a single parent for around 3 years. We both went to the same church and were very involved in different ministries at the church. We were both striving to be good parents and to live a God honoring life.

Neither of us were dating or looking for a romantic relationship. We were living life, loving God and loving our children. Both Sherry and I are the same in the above areas of life, and with almost everything else in life, “we are different”.

I married Sherry in 1994, and over the years our marriage has been the most unexpected, unplanned, unforeseen, and unimaginable marriage relationship ever. Looking at our marriage you would say we have done most things completely wrong. Right from the start we made our life more challenging than necessary.

I met Sherry the last week of Oct in 1993. I was involved with a ministry called ‘Helping Hands’. I was given plumbing jobs to do for widows, the elderly and single parent families that could not afford to pay a plumber. Sherry’s house was one of the plumbing jobs I had on my list.

I got to know a little bit about Sherry while working at her house. We started talking every day and every night. I found myself being attracted to this wonderful lady; I was not ready to get involved in a relationship. At this time, I had been meeting with a mentor for about two years, and he had helped me get my priorities straightened out: God first, family second and everything else after that.

Developing a relationship with Sherry was scary for me. For me, it was a F.U.D. Factor: Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt. My fear was that I would mess this relationship up like I did in my past relationships. I was uncertain about what God wanted me to do. I was striving to do God’s will and not give in to my own greedy desires. On top of that I doubted if I even knew the difference between God’s will and my own.

One evening when I was leaving Sherry’s house, we prayed. I asked God to bless our time together and keep this friendship between us strong, even if this was only to be a short time together. Let us enjoy this time, and let it be a God honoring relationship. I prayed to let us remain friends, even if our paths were to separate. Then I added, but if it is God’s will to have this relationship be till “death do us part” then take away all fear, uncertainty and doubt … and He did.

Life Lesson: When two or more people ask God for an answer He will give all of them the same answer. He is a God of unity.

The second week in Nov in 1993 (about 3 of weeks later), I asked Sherry to marry me and she said ‘yes’. We got married within 45 days.

We were now faced with the task of blending two families together (Sherry and her two daughters with me and my daughter). I barely knew anything about Sherry, and I knew nothing about her daughters.

Right from the beginning we realized that Sherry and I were two very different people. Sherry was ‘grace’ and I was ‘truth.’ She would give excuses for what the kids did before the kids knew they were in trouble. I would plan how long they were grounded even before it was confirmed that they were in the wrong.

We are different in the colors we like and where to put things. We are different how warm or cold it should be. We are different on where to go eat, how to get to where we are going to eat, and even what to eat when we get there. We are different on how to save money and how to spend money. We are different on what time to go to bed and when to get up. When somebody says something, Sherry understands it to be something completely different than I do. The same goes for holidays, vacations, and time off work. She wants to exercise, and I want to sit down and breathe.

Sherry and I are complete opposites in so many areas that it is hard to believe that we have survived all these years. However, there is one thing that we do agree on, and that one thing is what has kept us together all these years. This one thing has kept us together; and it has been the reason our marriage has flourished, grown and continues to grow.

Here is what I did when we were first married. I asked God to help me see Sherry as the most beautiful woman in the world. I asked Him to help me keep my love for her ever growing. I asked God to do for Sherry and I what I cannot do. I asked for His love to flow through me towards Sherry when my love runs dry.

Life Lesson: When you ask anything of God according to His word, He will allow it to be done.

I learned that if I do my part then God will do His part. In the Bible, God’s promises are almost always preceded by something we need to do first. When you ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins and for Jesus to be your Savior, then you will be saved. Ask and you will be given. Knock and the door will be opened. Seek and you will find. Once you do your part them God will do His part. The Bible does not say you have to be perfect. It says come as you are and to do your best, then He will help you with every aspect of life.

The differences between Sherry and I has helped me grow to become a better person. As an example, in seeing Sherry’s grace in action helped me have more grace and be less judging. In watching Sherry’s unconditional love for others helped me to better walk out God’s commandment to ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ When Sherry forgives those who wrong her, I am able to relate to ‘forgive those who trespass against us.’ I have heard these things all my life, and over these years Sherry has shown me God’s word in action.

Sherry and I are still two very different people, but we both turn to God for direction and for answers.

We pray together and are in agreement to what God has for us in our marriage. God’s word is what we have built our marriage on. God is our support, our protector, our provider, and our source. Without God we would not have an awesome marriage.

Earlier I wrote, “over the years our marriage has been the most unexpected, unplanned, unforeseen, and unimaginable marriage relationship ever.”  This is still true today.  We receive unexpected blessing from God far beyond anything imaginable.  We could not have planned or foreseen the joy, happiness, and abundant love that we share through living a God honoring life.  If I was to list every thing I wanted in a perfect marriage it would not even come close to unimaginable marriage relationship God has given Sherry and I.

It has taken three to make Sherry and my marriage what it is today. It has taken me, Sherry, and God … but mostly God.

 

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