Doing Marriage the Right Way
By: Michael Fuchs
Many people assume that long marriages are indestructible. After all, they have weathered the winds of change and have survived the storm. However, in most cases, they have just learned to live with their differences. God wants more for you and your marriage.
Couples need to have common activities, hobbies, likes or interest to grow together. You should focus on connecting mentally, socially, physically, and spiritually. The more ways you and your spouse connect, the fuller, richer and more satisfying your marriage relationship will become.
Develop a healthy time of talking with each other about life. Learn to share your dreams, your wishes, your desires, and your fears. Find time to hold hands, cuddle, or show affection towards each other. Make time to spend time with friends, and family, (church groups are always a good way to make friends). Pray together, and pray for each other. Develop a healthy spiritual understanding that you both can be comfortable with.
Learn how to resolve conflict and strife in your relationship. All marriages have times when both spouses disagree about something, or get upset about something. This does not mean you have a bad marriage. It just means that your relationship is alive. The problem is not the conflict, or the disagreement. It is how the couple handles the conflict or disagreement. Learn how to make the marriage relationship more important than the issue you are fighting about.
Do not hold grudges against one another. When you have bitterness, and are not willing to forgive your spouse, you are destroying your marriage. Learn how to forgive, and how to protect your marriage by forgiving each other.
God has made you different from each other. Strive to respect each other’s differences. Many times it is our misconceptions, and our unreal expectations that are the issue. Seek to keep the marriage relationship from becoming a one sided journey through life. Be in agreement … talk about things … learn to listen to each other … be open and transparent with each other … trust each other or at least God. God will do His part to provide for your marriage when you do your part.
Work on communication. This is the most elusive elements of the marriage relationship. Sherry and I have been working on trying to get our communication right for over 20 years. Each year seems to get better, but we still have yet to get it right all the time. However, we have learned how to not get upset or mad when we don’t communicate completely or clearly. God has made us all different, especially married couples. I have an ‘Audio’ communication style, because God made me like that. Sherry has a ‘Visual’ communication style, because God made her that way. Learn spouses Communication style to help you better understand them. The more you understand about your spouse the easier it is to live with them.
Turn to God for answers and for guidance. God created you and He created marriages. God has provided all the answers for our marriage relationship. Ask God for answers with the hard issues. The most important element to a happy, thriving marriage relationship is to have both spouses on the same page. Both spouses need to be reading from the same set of rules. Both spouses need to be hearing from the same coach or instructor. When Sherry and I need to make a decision about something and we are not in agreement, we ask God. God has always given Sherry the same answer as He has given me. He is a God of unity. Learn to go to God for life’s hard answers. Learn to trust God. Find a place of worship you both enjoy. This is the most important element of a strong, healthy, and thriving marriage relationship.
The above is just a few ways of building and maintaining a strong, healthy marriage. It is important for both spouses to work together towards a common goal. Sherry and I have been working on our marriage for over 20 years. At first this was hard and required constant work to get it right. Every year seemed to get better and now our marriage relationship is awesome. It no longer seems like work at all, just a better way of connecting, with a greater level of bliss.
We love life and everything it has to offer. Sherry and I face each day together knowing that we will support each other and that nothing can divide us. We function as one heart, and one will to provide whatever it takes to protect and nourish our marriage. Even when it means not doing things my way, because God has provided a better way. We trust in God to take over and do what is best for us after we have done all we can.
Ephesians 5:15-20 (NLT)
So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.