Marriage Issues that Couples Overlook
By: Michael Fuchs
Divorce doesn’t happen by accident. It builds up over time and, when people overlook the things that matter most, divorce happens.
It is things they have seen all along, but have not dealt with.
Most of us make the grave error of taking the things that matter most for granted.
A marriage relationship that is taken for granted has a good chance of ending in divorce.
Here are some reasons for divorce, why couples never notice it, and how you can prevent them from ruining your marriage.
Problems constantly build up over time, and are never addressed or resolved. It requires we learn how to communication and we learn how to resolve conflicts. Conflict
Your marriage has a great chance to be a happy ever after marriage by doing what builds value into your marriage. You need to do what is right and sometimes that is a harder road to walk. It takes some effort on your part, both spouses part, achieve this. It takes two people striving for the same thing to avoid divorce. With both partners working together on the relationship you
I have been startled by the divorce crisis in the United States. Many of my own friends have now given up on marrying because they look at marriage as “what is in for me”, or “what can I get out of it”.
I challenge you to find at what you can contribute to your marriage. Ask the question, “How can I make this relationship better for us”? The key word is ‘us’! It takes two to people working together to build a strong marriage relationship.
Work towards a better marriage, watching for signs when things start getting bad and put in the effort to bring the relationship back into the happy healthy relationship. A little effort will make all the difference.
Top reasons for divorce in new marriages
Here are the things to that will erode a marriage, and if not dealt with the following could push the marriage towards a divorce.
You may think you better than they are
Have you ever felt like you deserve someone better than your spouse? Dissatisfaction with your spouse will lead you into making mistakes in the relationship, mistakes you may end up regretting. Your spouse has a lot of great qualities, and you need to let them know that you value those qualities in them. Look for the good things about your spouse. Ask God to help them in areas that need to change. It is God’s job to change your spouse, not yours. Your job is to pray for them.
You feel constrained
Have you felt like the marriage is holding you back from achieving your true potential? It might be your career, or your plans? Life is constantly changing. If we are so inflexible that the changes of life cause friction and strife, then we are focused on selfishness. This selfishness will rob the marriage relationship of: joy, love, peacefulness, and kindness. Work towards intimacy which is sharing your dreams, wishes, desires, and your fears with each other. Make every effort to replace friction and strife with gentleness and kindness. Ask God to prepare your heart so the two of you can work together in agreement.
Lack of communication
Communication is not just about talking to each other. Communication is about understanding each other and learning more about each other. Most couples talk, but don’t communicate. To communicate a couple needs to use truthful words with clear and precise direction, (no grey area or double meaning). They need to be able to listen, seeking to understand, and asking questions for clarification if needed. We need to ask God to help us understand and loving one another.
Expectations in the marriage
Before a couple is married they talk about their dreams, their wishes and their desire. Then some time from “I do” to their wedding anniversary these dreams, wishes, and desires become ‘expectations’. After a while, if the spouse does not meet these expectations then you might want to give up. Most people end up getting a divorce because of this. They end this marriage just so they can go and dump their expectations on someone else. That is why most second marriages seem just like their first marriage. When you have an expectation of any kind in your marriage there is no room for unconditional love. An expectation will put a condition on the marriage relationship. A marriage relationship should not be conditional. Renting a place to live or leasing a car is conditional. You are expected to make payments, and if you make payments you can live there or drive the car. It is when you don’t make the expected payment that you lose the housing or the car. Turn to God to help both spouses with these expectations. Give each other grace, work to together and come into agreement in all aspects of the marriage relationship. Expectations
Difference in cultural backgrounds
At the beginning, the stark differences in families and friends, and different religious beliefs may seem OK. In a marriage a couple needs to be in agreement. So many time family and friends end up telling them how they need to live. Avoid acting the way other people want you to act to. This could include money, savings, vacations, children, work, religion, or even spending time with friend or family. I encourage you to listen to advice, but only apply their advice if both spouses are in agreement. Some of these things may not be as appealing to one spouse as it is to the other. This is your marriage. Guard it with discernment and compaction towards the relationship. A couple needs to be in agreement with every aspect of their marriage. Your marriage relationship can become wonderful adventure when both spouses work to build the relationship through agreement. Pray together and ask God to help you in these areas. When you both ask God for an answer, He will be faithful, giving you both the same answer. He is a God of unity, not separation. God hates divorce.
A sudden change in lifestyle
A marriage isn’t just a ring around the finger. It is a whole new life and a new lifestyle. If you love your space and privacy and hate having somebody with you all the time, perhaps a marriage relationship is not for you. In a healthy marriage relationship both spouses need to be open, transparent, truthful and completely honest with each other. You both need to be able to adapt to changes: having kids, lose of income, having to relocate, costly accidents, or economic effects. Both spouses need to be able and willing to pull together, work harder or even sacrifice for the marriage relationship. Call on God during these times. He will never burden you with more than you can handle. God will always provide, protect, and guide you.Who is Jesus
Trust in the marriage
Do you really trust your spouse? Trust is an important pillar in marriage. If you do not trust your spouse, you will not survive the marriage. We are all human and none of us is perfect. When something happens to compromise trust in a spouse, then we need to do things to rebuild the trust. Accountability is a wonderful thing. Accountability is what will keep us from losing trust, and will help us restore trust when is lost. Regaining trust takes time. Even when it is hard to trust your spouse, you should trust God. Trust Him to guide your spouse, to protect your hearts, and to heal the brokenness. God is faithful when call upon Him. Who is Jesu